Bad grades Edit
Early in his life, Kiteman had a class regarding youtube commenting. The comment that Kiteman made read as "I hate mars bars". The Teacher, Mrs. Shitbrick said it was a bad comment, And told Kiteman to kill himself.
Kite incident Edit
After the incident with Mrs Shitbrick, Kiteman went on to other hobbies than youtube commenting. He took up an interest in kites. However, He was brash and ignored safety precautions. One day, he was hit by lightning. The resulting lightning strike caused a psychological trauma that forced him into a life of kite-centric crime.
Kite-Centric Crime Edit
Kiteman did some Kite-Centric crime after the incident. According to Kiteman in I HATE THE NEWS, Kiteman apparently briefly took a break by becoming a News anchor once. He became the top rated News Anchor for San Diego in the 70's. That all changed when an ambitious young woman was hired as the new anchor.
Murder of Aquaman Edit
After the end of his life as a news anchor, Kiteman resumed his life of kite-centric crime. His first new kite-centric crime was in I hate everything's video I HATE POKEMON Wherein Kiteman killed Aquaman as revenge for Mini Rants #1, Wherein Alex criticized kiteman. When Alex asked Kiteman what was going on, Kiteman responded:
"Nyah, Suprised to see me? It's me, Kiteman. Back for my revenge."However, Alex did not care, As he hated aquaman. However, In I HATE THE NEWS Alex needed kiteman to clean up Aquaman's body. This took longer than expected, So Alex proceeded to rant about the news. When the body was still not washed up after the news, Alex and kiteman began looking for another place to find a new background. They eventually wound up in minecraft, Prompting alex to make a video about hating minecraft - Even though Alex was planning to make an episode on Cardboard tube dueling (that he has yet to make). Later on, He wounded up ambushed by the justice league, Who tried to capture him because they thought that Alex had murdered aquaman. However, Alex protested and said it was actually Kiteman who had murdered Aquaman.
When the Justice league offered Alex to say his last words, Alex proceeded with a rant about Aquaman. When the Justice league finally tried to kill Alex, Aquaman suprisingly turned out to be alive. He had come back to life by combining three birds and using the Deus ex Machina to come back to life. At this point, The Justice league changed their mind on Alex, Telling him he had a prophecy to fulfill. Alex didn't care, So they instead picked someone else. However, Before anybody could be picked, Kiteman appeared and aquaman got into an anime-fight with kiteman, Ultimately defeating him.
Life after his defeat Edit
After being defeated by aquaman, Kiteman went on a deadly rampage by killing Squidward. This is canon because the video was made by Onemegabyte plays, A character in the IHE universe.
Encounter with Schmittentitz Edit
For most of his life, Kiteman's dual identity as Onemegabyte play was unknown. It was not until Schmittentitz uploaded his video "The Truth About Kiteman" that his secret was known.
Kiteman's Response Edit
After Schmittentitz discovered Kiteman's true identity, Kiteman responded by giving various riddles to Schmittentitz. Schmittentitz was unable to solve these riddles, But while researching he found out about Squidward's murder.
Second Encounter with Squidward Edit
After hearing about Kiteman's debacle with Schmittentitz, Squidward (Who had been seeking revenge after Kiteman's attempt on his life) decided to try and murder Kiteman. However, Kiteman managed to kill squidward first, Ensuring Kiteman's survival. Kiteman also put up a warning for Schmittentitz in Binary, Which read as follows:
"You've come too far mister Schmittentitz I'm afraid you cannot continue because if you do they'll be consequences."
Climax of Schmittentitz's findings Edit
After the death of squidward, Schmittentitz was struggling to anticipate Kiteman's next move. One theory was that Kiteman would be building a phone out of mars bars to phone the dinkster, Allowing him to call in reinforcements. This was proven wrong as Schmittentitz tried and failed to build a phone out of mars bars.
The second theory was that Kiteman was just a product of a cruel, corrupt government and that none of his murders are to be blamed on him.
The Meme war Edit
Brussels Coup Edit
Despite Schmittentitz's findings, Kiteman continued to start a meme war. He did a coup detat in Brussels, Taking over the European union.
France, Belgium and the Netherlands protested, Prompting kiteman to invade those countries.
Invasion of FranceEdit
In anticipation of new offensive by kiteman, France Re-manned the old maginot line, But Kiteman went around it by invading through the benelux. Eventually, Kiteman defeated france, And set up a new government in vichy.
Invasion of Ukraine and RussiaEdit
Kiteman then invaded ukraine together with Russia, resulting in the country being partitioned. After a failed invasion of britain, Kiteman decided to invade russia. After marching his armies through russia he tried to encircle moscow. This failed, And kiteman lost all his soldiers in the battle.
Defeat and ExileEdit
In May 2014, Kiteman was exiled to elba. It's unknown wether or not he will return.
- Kiteman was responsible for the death of Aquaman in I HATE POKEMON.
- Kiteman got his own Mini Rant in Episode 1 of Mini Rants.
- In I HATE SCHOOL, Kiteman says that he's never been to school. This contradicts his origin story, So this may just have been his way of repressing a bad memory.
- In I HATE THE NEWS, Kiteman reveals that he was a News Anchor for San Diego in the 70's.
- He is based on the DC Comics villain with the same name.